Monday, July 13, 2015

Nothing & Everything, all at once

Hey there, didn't see you there, what's up?
oh, just enjoying the rain.....(am I supposed to say more? What up is what??) Yea maybe a tornados comin, yo you got any zannie bars?
Oh yea (thinks to himself "fiercely tank shaped clouds and shower out tonight")
(We live in Salt Lake City its a valley we ain't had a tornado for over a hundred years.)
( zanies are pointless to me so I share a lot)
I been aight just working..
There's this chick theresa I want you to meet (oh no Theresa is a hallucination in my head and sometimes I don't know what I'm saying aloud or why I'm saying it but I can't control it sometimes nor can I . and so begins the yelling it began as "13 cups of vodka" in a young boys voice..years later who cares and not only couldn't I silence this by self medicating, these days I fear the prescriptions will lose their ....and they all yell, all at once, but you see, they have been yelling for years now, and to ignore, well, we all know what it may feel like to be ignored. To be controlled, and to be silenced...this is secret...I have never once in my lifetime
yea sounds good hey Im gonna go later dude
Each human life form being 80% water, I mean what's there to fear? Drout. Nothing to drink. I have seen some survive on much less.
They shed themselves by being seen, by being the unexpected appealing pie and are possibly and literally their words. You are a "dude" dude. Rubbish why couldn't I think of something to say? all I want to do is bring peace and hope to a dying breed. Our
and then a young child howling at the moon. It is 6:04 pm in the beginning of June. Wednesday, August 5th, to be precise. I waited outside this morning, and there was the moon, showing the top half of itself in broad day light, it was from 9am to 10am I saw ....our pollution is destroying our own moon. Twist my arm pinch my fat tell me that you want no you need that and that and that
Funny how some interruptions.. How many molecules do the chemicals destroy? Countless, you are on your way out, how much waste recycled does it satisfy your visual OBSESsIoN shallowness that is essential particular purpose of boring traumatic production
Now I see the glory of genuine
Now I see the horizon
The journey begins and I am
Willing to walk, you can give up,as long as your feet keep moving.

Saturday, July 11, 2015

Little Mothers

Pointless reckoning Pecking at my days Beckoning my body Driving my eyes to stay open Little mothers PLAY TOGETHER Inside the big dipper, wind being part of womanly skin, such divine feeling Gestures of compassion and understanding swinging on a boat drifting afloat singing old songs we both knew we would love forever
A disturbance Mother Sunday Loud and random nature Alone and wild, pressure of drama my clownish, clone-like way How to act around others today.
I can’t stop coughing, leaping sparkling lungs I am paranoid that people are watching me sneak away days Why speak away days? Life can’t be a flirt..or can it? It makes me weak. A daydream, though simple, was an image presented in my own mind, and all of the images I saw as that young child, every image I saw.. This week I see the faces of cartoon bats neon in my eyelids I find everything personal..shampoo deodorant, whatever to be bugged, angering, or absolutely petrifying I feel afraid, deeply envious of those who may sit
While my hands shake, vomit bubbling beneath Hypochondriac, don’t let go of your hyper shield!
I believe I've some Irish blood in me, as he
tried his best to be a boy and she cried her most
to be a girl
so we are just children laughing at lostness and feeling forgetful for our own listeners
I can see into the future and into the past Before these words were too dark on my retinas... We stood on the roof, he swung a hammer On a summer evening, sky growing dimmer We were in love, yes he was my lover
Blowing kisses in the summer wind Dancing through grave yards, telling stories in the stream
Benjamin’s bright golden hair with a skateboard beneath his little feet Sean and Chris hiding up in their rooms, what were they doing all those years? Standing while white clumps of thick snow fell all around
I know, I have heard.. Heavy heart, hollow heart
It’s ......what time do you want to go to sleep? should i just sleep in here i guess you can sleep with him..i don’t know
You’re intenses all aromatherapy all inhaling only have you given me more
Feet Everyone has ‘em Everyone has them
I’ll never see this place again I want to scream through a piano Waves of relief Release Prolific Never has been Scared to confirm Conform impaired must be me wailing corpses, the trailing crows writer blocsolox lots parking lots and trailer parks
set down silo siren pirate's play
Deceptive speakers repetative lights 26 May, 2012 I hate the date that rhymes with times of hatred and remorse
I am ready for no regretful way of living I am giving only to please the boring town surrounding me grown on the knowledge of forgetfulness leaving behind only theives and relatives hungering and heaving over ledges and leaving behind babies in attics waiting...
mamas milks mama citas robed and ready suckled and sadly on a balcony over bacon sicily bending sideways her hind legs flip another ham burglar alarm set to catch the crime how timely you crowch behind all those willow all that pine
bathe, now as we meow at her, village idiot,
wreck of our town going to drown here
on one of her disturbed days
not while we were around. no, not while we were in this town.. ............ round
you make breath seem evil nor can you see straight
I make like greed I cannot see straight
Hiding from the sequel Of another meeting and falling strangely in love Like all they ever told me about god almighty be true
Blank balk screen Point blank blink Of sarcasm she spazzed
Your last prayer Said in my own head Sent only after You’re deaf, numb and dead
All I think about is time
I hate nothing and everything, because I cannot seem to focus enough to choose between the two Everything hurts me look after look after look after look torture me with two eye balls And a brain to flip over the vision like a fucking hamburger that i chose to never even touch I am best at chili peppered I am postponed and put off I am schizoid woman Pronunciation grows weak after weeks of drug use Imagine the years between they and I My friends take me for a ride I am delicate as a widowed orchid I am no one to be about people I am not pier pressure For crying out loud
The voices I imagine occasionally repeat a thought of mine Mostly, the most random of voices, with the most random ideas I beginning to lose feeling in the right side of my body After the left once went entirely numb I fell t o t h e g r o u n d trying to walk up our old hill
I scratch my skin, incumbently, They laugh before they cannot function For what else can they do?
Seeking ambition Private flirtation With the idea of being exited again Instead all seems trivial So incredibly trifling
Little mothers Play together Having only Each other T o h o l d onto Ditched and feelin' like nobody to hold onto

Wednesday, May 27, 2015


Feeling for my fellows for we have lost thee, His last genuine the lamb of the lord in heaven.  Your ghost tells secrets to this witch, selfish, I still need your solemn, curled up body on the couch.  Our sweet Aquarius bond broken by a misunderstanding, a promise injured, forgotten, burst, and crippled. Oh my prayers for you, my dear brother,I am too sorry, you meant mangled meaning breaking free because I found clarity in your understanding me.  Now let empathy be and a perceptive nature nurture animals all around me.  Saturn spins and spills still, exalted and fired up love-loss-kindness.  Let summer sway our bodies sleeping beneath the rising sun, again, she rises, scattering radiant HOPE all over Earth, showing our glowing, simple paths.  Sail alone in this ship you built, alone, your setting soul shipwrecked, how unsettled, how could we find you when you went so far?  How could we let you die?  We fall all over your memory like roses floating through the air to land on your lowered casket, my true, older love in my little life, gone.

Thursday, April 16, 2015


Bring the heat of the sun to me
Let it warm my bones
Take my cares and worries
Noise of persistent drones

I feel I can relate to your creativity
But not able to repay thee
For the courage and the strength
And all the love you gave me

Sometimes all I do is pray
To this mighty universe
It warms me like this sunny day
As my compassion rolls and stirs

I do not feel compelled or stifled
I have freedom and relief
I feel your energy like a rifle
Blowing through us leaves on trees

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Mind Control

The witches are infesting my dreams
Who knows for how long now
The incest of a fake family
Like that line in the snow
Like ditches under my bare feet
I'm too lucid for you to take
You are murdering my abilities 
To make a constant facade outa me
Steal that fat cat fast cash right out from under me
And my own little scathing knee caps 
We hear secret schemes of these
" make more monsters family function God, fucking, death "
Once you're in it
...these memories they may haunt me
Once you are IN- in world, body, and life
There is no going back!
Retracing steps stumble out of whack
And it feels like there is no end
Does time without memory really exist? 
Desired dementia I slept as a defense mechanism
To keep all away from my lunatic way
As a car crept by outside, dropping to the cold wet black pavement
A loud clink
I stumble sleep walk away
As I think to hide to think
This undetectable mind control genocide 
Swarming around like invisible bees
Getting us down to the dirt on our knees 
Sweating for help with dust in our eyes
Weeping for death and never believing in our own beautiful lives.